Ever had one of those days... One of those days when you feel that the road you had been travelling along all this while led to nothingness. It's just a road that leads nowhere. But, we all want to reach, somewhere, don't we?
I'm only 18 years old and I keep getting this feeling at various points of time. What is it? Maybe I'm just too jaded. Is it disillusionment that stems from the feeling that I can never be the stud who can charm any girl he wants, or the popular guy that everybody goes to when they need help, or somebody to talk to? Or is it because I'm not in the 'upper echelon' of society's intellectual class i.e. I'm not as smart as I thought. The answers only leave me more and more confused.
When I have everything a guy could want: a loving and supportive family+dog named Simba (okay, I got two younger sisters who are a pain in the backside but still they're unexpectedly loving and supportive at times); a few friends who seem sincere (very rare in these times, or should I say, a few friends who haven't stabbed me in the back yet); a nice house which my friends refer to as a 'kottaram' (palace); I have a healthy body without any defective bits (I haven't come across any yet, but you never know...), I live in a nice neighbourhood (no bombs exploding here everyday, it's very peaceful here. But there's the occasional drunkard to liven things up a bit); I don't need to go door-to-door salesman-ing, or carry bricks up 20 floors at the construction site of apartments to support the family...
"Weird," - you might say. "What more could a guy want? Hey dude, stop whining and get a life!"
Are these just unfulfilled desires, should I go out more often? Should I get a girlfriend? Will that help me unwind? But then again, my past experience with asking girls out has left me averse to the idea of getting involved at such a stage. When most people involved in relationships in college, are not doing so well academically, would that be such a wise decision? Why do something that might turn against you and hurt you in the future, if you're not sure you can handle it?
The problem is I don't know where to begin. How do you solve a problem that's so obscure that trying to solve it will raise more questions? It's like trying to escape from a bottomless well whose sides are smooth and bathed with oil - to escape, there's only one way, that way is up out of the well - but to go up you need to stop falling - to stop falling, you need to get a grip on the sides, but to get a grip you need a rough surface which you don't have, so what can one do?
So, what I can do is stop whining and start learning - learning to live simply, learning to channelise the energy I'm wasting pondering something that's totally pointless and leads to no answers to doing something that'll make me appreciate life for what it is, learn to enjoy what little I have and be a better human being, live each day as it comes, go to sleep each day with the satisfaction that something was achieved that day, maybe then, I won't even need a girlfriend or a bigger brain. I believe in karma, I respect it. I shall do what I'm here to do.
Of course, as to what those things are, I have no clue.